These snowflakes...

[Owl]

I walk onto the front porch... I see... snowflakes, falling all over the ground. I step onto the snow, and walk. I stop and look back. I see my footsteps. The past. I look foward at untouched snow. The future. I tiptoe through the snow ahead of me. Careful. Not to mess up, my future.
But i realize. The snowflakes in the sky. They know their future. Its written out for them the moment they freeze. Yet... My future , its still falling. Undecied where i'm going to land. The pool. the trees. Its unknown. So, let me write it myself. And make it, the best future possible. And when i walk back home, I'm going to take a new route. Following my own path.

[mreditor]

Dec 17, 2008 16:46:08 GMT -5 Owl said:

I walk onto the front porch... I see... snowflakes, falling all over the ground. I step onto the snow, and walk. I stop and look back. I see my footsteps. The past. I look foward at untouched snow. The future. I tiptoe through the snow ahead of me. Careful. Not to mess up, my future.
But i realize. The snowflakes in the sky. They know their future. Its written out for them the moment they freeze. Yet... My future , its still falling. Undecied where i'm going to land. The pool. the trees. Its unknown. So, let me write it myself. And make it, the best future possible. And when i walk back home, I'm going to take a new route. Following my own path.

There is no need in the first comma I marked out.
Both of the "its" need to be "it's".



It's another great start, I like how you add the first person narritive in there, and still get the point across, just as good if not better than you would've with third person.

[Owl]

Thanx ^.^ some of the commas are suppost to be there from the way the person talks ^.^