Post by flapjack on May 13, 2009 22:11:29 GMT -5
LUNCH TABLE RAP – JUSTIN MCCONNELL
JUSTIN:
Hello ladies, it’s Justin McConnell.
Runnin’ on the track team cuz I’m sprintin’ to Hell.
Hugh Hefner loves me, Catholic God’s pissed.
You wanna know why? Just look at the list.
If you gotta cell phone, please type and send.
Show me a nice picture and you can be my friend.
Annoyin’ the lunch table ‘bout that chick from France.
She coulda gotten away, if I hadn’t caught the seat of her pants.
I didn’t mean anythin’ by it; I didn’t try to harm her.
Hey, she asked me first: “What’s inside your Under Armour?”
I love being American, the freedom of speech,
The right to piss off my mother, or have sex on the beach.
I got iron ‘round my neck; aquamarine on my fings.
Going to bed with only that – it’s a democratic thing.
Got taken to James Irwin, I saw and I came.
Didn’t get funny until I met James.
I love the guy; I think he rocks.
His big, fat, juicy, round, lovable… SOCKS!
It breaks my heart, it makes me sick,
That Jimmy’s been seduced by Jackie el Dick.
I saw him first! Yo, Pablo doesn’t matter!
It’s hard to resist when he’s going up that ladder.
Despite my unwise wording, I’m honestly not gay.
My mind just keeps questioning: “Why aren’t you being laid?”
I love being American, the right to bear arms,
To write about women and their irresistible charm.
Her hands are around my neck; her teeth are on my wang.
Premarital sex – it’s a democratic thang.
JUSTIN, acknowledging all women: Hey everybody! Check this out! Would you go out with me?
JACKIE: You’re like my brother.
CECELIA: Hell to the fuck no!
HOT GIRL: Nope!
OKAY GIRL: Nuh – uh!
UGLY GIRL: Psssh… you wish! Spits on his shoes
BRITTANY, CYNTHIA, JENNIFER, MCKENZIE, LESLEY, MICHAELA, ALISSA, CHANDLER, NATALIE, AMBER, COLEE, KIMBERLY, PABLO, JIMMY, CHICK FROM THE SOUP KITCHEN, simultaneously: Been there, done that, bought that T – shirt! Uh… NO!
HELEN: …sure…
JUSTIN: WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WITH ME?!
JIMMY:
Move over Justin, that way I can spit it.
I ain’t got women but I have etiquette.
I’m a comedy master; a lunch table legend.
Eat anything that happens to be in my presence.
I might be a virgin but you’re at dead end.
Because you cheated on your girlfriend!
I might not have boobies and my dick ain’t been shaken’
But I’m not the one that got his phone taken.
I’m clean as whistle and ready to blow
A girl actually likes me? Don’t you feel low?
So now look at me and your other friends too
As we proudly say, “Sucks to be you!”
We love being Americans, the right to religion,
Praising Shiva, signing public breast-feeding petitions.
Wasting our time at lunch before noon.
Making fun of our friends – it’s what democrats do.
THE END
JUSTIN: No, seriously! What is wrong with me?
JIMMY, tapping Justin’ s shoulder: I’m afraid that’s gonna take a longer song, Justin.
JUSTIN:
Hello ladies, it’s Justin McConnell.
Runnin’ on the track team cuz I’m sprintin’ to Hell.
Hugh Hefner loves me, Catholic God’s pissed.
You wanna know why? Just look at the list.
If you gotta cell phone, please type and send.
Show me a nice picture and you can be my friend.
Annoyin’ the lunch table ‘bout that chick from France.
She coulda gotten away, if I hadn’t caught the seat of her pants.
I didn’t mean anythin’ by it; I didn’t try to harm her.
Hey, she asked me first: “What’s inside your Under Armour?”
I love being American, the freedom of speech,
The right to piss off my mother, or have sex on the beach.
I got iron ‘round my neck; aquamarine on my fings.
Going to bed with only that – it’s a democratic thing.
Got taken to James Irwin, I saw and I came.
Didn’t get funny until I met James.
I love the guy; I think he rocks.
His big, fat, juicy, round, lovable… SOCKS!
It breaks my heart, it makes me sick,
That Jimmy’s been seduced by Jackie el Dick.
I saw him first! Yo, Pablo doesn’t matter!
It’s hard to resist when he’s going up that ladder.
Despite my unwise wording, I’m honestly not gay.
My mind just keeps questioning: “Why aren’t you being laid?”
I love being American, the right to bear arms,
To write about women and their irresistible charm.
Her hands are around my neck; her teeth are on my wang.
Premarital sex – it’s a democratic thang.
JUSTIN, acknowledging all women: Hey everybody! Check this out! Would you go out with me?
JACKIE: You’re like my brother.
CECELIA: Hell to the fuck no!
HOT GIRL: Nope!
OKAY GIRL: Nuh – uh!
UGLY GIRL: Psssh… you wish! Spits on his shoes
BRITTANY, CYNTHIA, JENNIFER, MCKENZIE, LESLEY, MICHAELA, ALISSA, CHANDLER, NATALIE, AMBER, COLEE, KIMBERLY, PABLO, JIMMY, CHICK FROM THE SOUP KITCHEN, simultaneously: Been there, done that, bought that T – shirt! Uh… NO!
HELEN: …sure…
JUSTIN: WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WITH ME?!
JIMMY:
Move over Justin, that way I can spit it.
I ain’t got women but I have etiquette.
I’m a comedy master; a lunch table legend.
Eat anything that happens to be in my presence.
I might be a virgin but you’re at dead end.
Because you cheated on your girlfriend!
I might not have boobies and my dick ain’t been shaken’
But I’m not the one that got his phone taken.
I’m clean as whistle and ready to blow
A girl actually likes me? Don’t you feel low?
So now look at me and your other friends too
As we proudly say, “Sucks to be you!”
We love being Americans, the right to religion,
Praising Shiva, signing public breast-feeding petitions.
Wasting our time at lunch before noon.
Making fun of our friends – it’s what democrats do.
THE END
JUSTIN: No, seriously! What is wrong with me?
JIMMY, tapping Justin’ s shoulder: I’m afraid that’s gonna take a longer song, Justin.
